


The Five Times Jaquie Stopped Peter and Costa from proposing to each other and the one time she didn't

by Mypinkheadphones



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: 5 Times, F/F, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage Proposal, Weddings, both these ships kill me, so cheesy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:05:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6690841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mypinkheadphones/pseuds/Mypinkheadphones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No, I’ve just been planning our wedding for three years, and if he shares a careless mindset like yours,” Costa gestured vaguely in Jaquie’s direction, “It’ll never happen.”</p>
<p>“Haven’t you and Peter been dating for only two ye-” Meg questioned.</p>
<p>“Unimportant.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Five Times Jaquie Stopped Peter and Costa from proposing to each other and the one time she didn't

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this over spring break, the full unedited version is on Daisy's blog on tumblr, the way this fic came about was just me and her head-canon jamming about the Mcdonaldson wedding and I was *~*~*inspired*~*~* (she wrote some stuff in part two, thx Daisy). My amazing friend Elinora edited this bc she is the best.

**Part One.**

The first time was at three am the night after the nasty breakup. Peter said something, then Balth said something, then the speaking turned to yelling, and yells turned into Peter sleeping on Jaquie’s couch surrounded by chocolate and beer bottles.

“You need to eat something that isn’t made of cocoa beans and or alcohol,” Jaquie said, entering the room with a grilled cheese sandwich. She swiped numerous beer cans off the coffee table. They clattered to the ground as she placed the hot tray.

“Is this all there is?” mumbled a Peter-shaped lump on the couch.

“Is what all there is?” Jaquie responded, settling down onto the tiny remaining space on the couch and biting into some chocolate she found next to the lump.

“Heartbreak, agony, loneliness…”

“It’s been two hours, and you’re not alone, you’ve got me!” she playfully elbowed the lump.

Peter stuck his head out of the blanket to glare at her.

“Look, it’s not even like you guys were together that long anyway, what was it, three weeks?”  Jaquie joked, handing him some of the chocolate.

“Six months.”

“Same difference.”

“I’m going to die alone - I’m never gonna get get married and nobody is ever going to love me again!” Peter groaned dramatically and sank back into his well-defined indent on the couch.

“You and Costa are the same person, I swear. After his last breakup I basically had to move into his flat for a month to care for him,” Jaquie offhandedly remarked.

“You think Costa would marry me? Like an ‘if we’re both single by fifty’ kinda thing?” Peter turned to look at her.

Jaquie had no doubt in her mind that Costa would marry Peter on the spot, but she didn’t think Costa would want Peter to know that.

"You’re drunk.”

“I’m not - I’m just preparing for the future. I’m gonna text him to see, one sec.”

Jaquie snatched the phone from his hands.

“I’ll give it back when you’re sober.”

**Part Two.**

The second almost-proposal was two weeks after the first date. At this point Jaquie had turned into some sort of “third party conversation overseer” by Peter and Costa. Every five minutes her phone will buzz and it would be a screenshot from one of them. “Always a fucking screenshot,” Jaquie muttered under her breath, looking at the conversation on her screen. “What should I say??” Costa’s text pleaded.

“Fuck if I know,” she groaned, telling him: “Just put a smiley face.”

“Talking to yourself again?” The girl driving giggled.

“It’s just Costa.”

“It’s never _just_ Costa.”

“Pete will send one in a minute, don’t worry, that yellow face has always bewildered him.” Jaquie reassured her.

“Shut your phone off, Peter can text me if it’s an emergency.”

“I’m sorry about that, Meg, I shouldn’t be ignoring you,” Jaquie apologized before slipping her phone back in her pocket.

“It’s quite alright, I know how important the choice between ‘yeah’ and ‘yep’ is.”

"I love you.” Jaquie leaned over and kissed Meg on the cheek.

“I know.”

Meg sighed as Jaquie’s phone buzzed again.

“Peter?”

“Costa, actually.”

"Just tell him to propose or something; and fuck off so I can spend time with you.” Meg said with a trace of bitterness.

“Will do. ‘Just propose to him, it’ll be fine, he’ll say yes, you can raise two kids in a tree somewhere, it’ll be great’ - done.”

"Splendid, we’re here.” Meg smiled and parked the car.

Before she could even put her phone away, it buzzed. Jaquie looked at Meg for approval.

“Fine, but hurry up. What does it say?”

Jaquie snorted. “This idiot. It says ‘you don’t think it’s too soon???’ with three question marks.” Meg laughed.

"i was kidding it’s definitely too soon please don’t propose holy shit” Jaquie shot back, then shut her phone all the way off.

**Part Three.**

The third time was a year after that. Peter had just lost his job at the bar for being late two weeks in a row, and was moping on what Jaquie referred to as "the couch of heartbreak, agony, and loneliness”.

“There’s going to be a permanent crease if you keep doing that,” Jaquie warned the familiar lump sitting next to her.

The lump emitted some grumbles.

“It’s the middle of summer; how are you not melting?” Jaquie yanked the blanket off her friend.

“I live here now, I’m allowed to wallow in sadness wherever I please with as many blankets as I see fit.” Peter whined dramatically.

“You get in a fight with your flatmates, you wallow. You break up with Balth, you wallow. Costa leaves for a week, you wal-”

“We get it - I’m mopey. Haha, hilarious.” Peter said dryly.

“It's what makes you a such a great poet.” Meg sauntered in.

“Hey this is a compliment-free zone, wallowing only!” Jaquie said jokingly, and jumped up to to kiss her girlfriend.

“We wouldn’t have to wallow if we were allowed to drink alcohol,” Peter interjected.

“No drinking when you’re sad - alcohol is a depressant. It’s the only rule in the flat.” Meg started to tidy up the room.

Peter curled back up in the blanket and mumbled “Costa would let me drink.”

Jaquie scoffed. “No he wouldn’t, he’s even more of a mom than we are.”

“Speaking of Costa,” Meg found a sticky spot on the coffee table and tried to wipe it off onto her skirt. “How are you gonna tell him about your sudden lack of a job?”

“Fuck, I hadn’t thought of that.” Peter fully retreated into the lump position.

“Just say some good news first. After he’s made out with your face for it, be like: ‘by the way I got fired’. And then run.“ Jaquie advised, starting to dust around the room.

"That technique works with breakups too.” Meg added.

“I don’t have any good news to tell.” Peter whined from inside the lump.

“Well, what makes him happy? Just lie about that.” Meg grabbed cluster of empty bottles off the table and tucked them under her arm.

“Me! I make him happy,” Peter quipped. “And that’s why he’ll be even more upset when I tell him I lost my job, he cares so much! Aaaaggh…” Peter made a noise more common to wild geese than to humans.

“Just ask him to marry you, that way he’s happy and locked down for life.” Meg jumped up to get a cobweb Jaquie was too short to reach.

“Kill two birds with one stone - I like it. Are there any pawn shops around here that I can buy a ring at?” Peter threw off the blankets and started glancing around for his phone.

“I think there’s one on Sixth Street –” Meg started.

Jaquie interjected. “Come on, no one is proposing. Peter Adrian Donaldson, you are going to talk to your boyfriend honestly and respectfully, like an adult. Then after he’s made out with your face for one reason or another, we’ll have a glass of white wine while looking through the Help Wanted ads for a job. I love you, but I am not paying your rent.”

**Part Four.**

The fourth time was a few months after that. Peter went to visit his family in Auckland for a week, and Costa, Jaquie, and Meg were all hanging out on Costa’s floor at two am drinking their way through an entire box of wine.

“I’m just saying, marriage is just legal shit, it doesn’t mean anything.” Jaquie began, leaning against Costa’s bed with Meg’s head in her lap.

Costa stared at her. “It totally does, like, you’re tied to this person that you’ve chosen to be with forever, and isn’t that, spiritually meaningful in some way?”

“No no, what I mean is that the legal aspect is pointless; why is it required? Shouldn’t it just be: ‘Will you marry me?” “Yeah!” Boom - married.” Jaquie waved her hands in large, sweeping motions.

“That’s dumb,” Meg piped up from her girlfriend’s lap. “The legal stuff is there as a kind of witness, like now that you’re married you have to be responsible for each other, and taxes and shit, and what about the ceremony aspect?”

“What about the ceremony aspect?” Jaquie questioned back.

“Like,” Costa began, “Don’t you think that two people promising themselves to each other in front of all their friends, family, and a priest guy is sweet? Or do you think that all of that should be left out of your sacred system of ‘Boom - married’?”

"I think that’s cool but like…” Jaquie trailed off as she stared out into the dimly lit room. “Okay, I’m won over, marriage is great, yay capitalism, how did this topic even come up?”

“Costa was talking about Peter.” Meg refreshed Jaquie’s memory.

Jaquie chuckled. “Poet boy rushing you to the altar?”

“No, I’ve just been planning our wedding for three years, and if he shares a careless mindset like yours,” Costa gestured vaguely in Jaquie’s direction, “It’ll never happen.”

“Haven’t you and Peter been dating for only two ye-” Meg questioned.

“Unimportant.”

“Ol’ Petey’s a sap, he loves that wedding shit. Our DVR is full of Say Yes to the Dress episodes. I bet you could ask him to marry you the second he gets home and he’d do it.” Jaquie started pouring herself another glass.

“You think I should? I have my grandmother’s ring in my dresser, it’s been in the family for generations. She told me to save it for someone special.” Costa got up and started looking for the ring.

“Pete sure is special alright.” Jaquie retorted snarkily, only half-listening.

“Do you think the classroom he did his Faustus audition in will allow catering?” Costa started rooting through his closet for a suit.

“I don’t think so…” Meg started to nod off.

“What do you think, Jaquie?” Costa frantically moved around his room as if the wedding would be starting any minute.

“About what?” Jaquie accidentally dripped some wine on Meg’s face and quickly reached out a hand to to wipe it off before she noticed.

“The classroom, the wedding, keep up!” Costa said. He pulled out two ties and began to compare the colors against his suit.

Jaquie was taken aback, “Costa, you’re not serious.”

“Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

Jaquie drained her glass. “Yes! You’re both young, you’ve got plenty of time for stupid decisions later in life. It’s late, go to bed.” Jaquie mumbled the last of the sentence as her head drooped.

**Part Five.** The fifth and final time happened five years into their relationship. Jaquie, Peter, and Meg piled into their hotel room after Paige and Chelsey’s wedding. The room was small, with one queen sized bed and one single, and an armchair with a horrendous pattern in the corner.

“That was a sweet ceremony.” Meg set down her goodies from the party as she entered the room.

“I thought karaoke was a bit cliche for the reception.” Jaquie sat down on the queen bed and offered Peter a piece of gum that she found in her purse.

Peter grabbed it and smirked. “Come on, you love me and Costa’s rendition of ‘You’re The One That I Want’ - it’s a classic!“

Jaquie rolled her eyes. "You do make an excellent Sandy.”

Meg walked over and sat next to Jaquie on the bed. “Are you kidding? I think our ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ blew the roof off the place.” She kissed her girlfriend on the cheek and smiled.

Peter slumped into the armchair and sighed loudly. "Everyone around us is getting married.”

“Love is in the air.” Meg responded, throwing her arms around Jaquie’s waist and leaning in for another kiss. Jaquie was pushed off-balance and they both tumbled backwards onto the bed.

Peter ignored them and continued. “John, Fred, and now Paige and Chelsey. We’re only twenty four, what’s happening? I don’t understand it.”

Jaquie looked at him and laughed, “Don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to tie the knot with that tall ball of hair gel and caffeine, because I do recall something about a ‘if we’re both single by fifty kinda thing’.”

Peter glared at her. “We promised to never speak of the sad night of sadness ever again.”

Jaquie waved her hand airily and turned to Meg. “He consumed twelve cartons of ice cream in a single hour!”

“You’re the one that had twelve cartons of ice cream at the flat in the first place!” Peter playfully argued.

“It was finals week!” Jaquie shot back.

“Me and John bet three months,” Meg chirped.

“What, baby?” Jaquie stopped and looked at her girlfriend.

“On Peter and Costa. When they’ll get engaged.”

Peter chuckled. “My own brother.”

“So, when are you going to do it?” Meg started looking for her pajamas.

Peter unwrapped the gum and tossed it in his mouth. “Do what?”

“Ask him, you idiot.” Meg found her socks and threw one at Peter.

Peter glanced at the floor and combed his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know, whenever I think that he would definitely say yes.”

Jaquie burst out into laughter. “Peter, he would’ve said yes the day you met him.”

Peter legitimately looked shocked. “What?”

Jaquie walked over to him and put her hand on his arm. “Peter, I love you, but you are the most clueless person I’ve ever met.”

Peter got up and strode over to his suitcase. “I have to propose tomorrow.”

Jaquie turned around. “What? Why tomorrow?”

Peter started rifling through his suitcase. “I could have proposed a year ago; he’s been willing to marry me for ages! This is the last time all of our friends will be all together for a while. God, I’m so oblivious!”

“I won’t argue with you on that last part, but the rest is ridiculous. Costa has waited hours for nonexistent buses before; waiting doesn’t bother him.” Jaquie laughed

“And don’t ask him to marry you at someone else’s wedding, it’s kinda insensitive. You can wait two days ‘till we get home.” Meg finished.

**Part Six.** It was nine o'clock, on the morning of Jaquie’s wedding, three months after the hotelroom discussion. Jaquie and Peter sat around a table covered in coffee cups and crumpled paper in Meg's family home in Auckland. They’d been brainstorming since three am.

“Doth, roth, coth…” Jaquie listed random words for Peter to write, none of which she knew the meaning of.

Peter set his head on the table and groaned. “We are never gonna get this, it’s hopeless.” He chucked a paper coffee cup at the wall near the door.

Seconds later, Meg appeared in the doorway. The coffee cup barely missed her gorgeous, white, full-length wedding ball gown. Meg had flowers in her hair, and a full face of makeup that was now also adorned with a look of extreme panic. “You guys aren’t dressed! The wedding is in an hour and neither of you has started getting dressed!”

Jaquie lay sprawled on the floor in sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Her hair was unbrushed and there was a little drool crusted on the side of her cheek. She looked up at her bride-to-be and smiled. “Babe, I can be ready in five minutes, it’s no big deal.”

Meg took a deep breath and turned to Peter. “What are you guys working on?”

Jaquie looked at him and laughed. “You haven’t told her yet?”

Meg was at the end of her wits. “Tell me what?” she clenched her fists at her sides.

“I’m-” Peter started, but Jaquie grabbed his shoulders and interrupted. “He’s asking Costa to marry him!“

"Not so loud, he’ll hear.” Peter blushed.

Meg grinned. “Peter, that’s wonderful! And just in time too! I know I said proposing at someone else’s wedding was rude, but Cora will owe me and John five bucks each.”

“He’s writing him a sonnet for their anniversary tomorrow, the poetic asshole that he is,” said Jaquie.

At that moment, Costa burst in from outside, nice shoes, a suit, and a piece of grass in his hair for some reason. “Why are you not ready? Jaquie, Peter, what are you doing? The wedding is happening soon, the guests are arriving, and two of the most important people aren’t ready. What is the meaning of this?”

Peter and Jaquie began to mumble excuses while they scrambled to cover up the papers that littered the table.

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Just go, now.” Meg interrupted. Peter and Jaquie stood up , and went to change into their outfits from the dry cleaner bags that lay on the top of the stairs.

Meg turned to Costa. “Can you deal with my great aunt Martha? She doesn’t know I’m marrying a woman, so if you could try to stop her from fainting during the ceremony, that would be great.”

Upstairs, Jaquie and Peter ran frantically around the master bathroom. “Are you sure that it’s the right time?” Peter adjusted his bowtie in the mirror anxiously and waited for Jaquie’s reply.

She buttoned some of the snaps on her back. “I think–” Jaquie paused. “I think that it’s been a long time coming, and if you feel ready, you are ready. I wouldn’t know about the asking stuff though, all I had to do was say yes.” She slipped on the lovely pair of wedding shoes that Costa had picked out when they all went wedding thrift shopping the week previous.

Peter nervously ran through his hair with a comb. “How do I look?”

Jaquie walked over and hugged him. “You look great, and more importantly, since I’m the one getting married, how do I look? I still need you to braid my hair, but, other than that.” Jaquie twirled to give him a full view on her dress. The pure white dress spun around her so lightly, it was like it was made of flower petals - but it may or may not have just been old prom dress from the dollar rack at Goodwill that Meg’s mom bleached white.

“Stunning.” Peter walked around her, taking a hair band from his wrist and beginning to french braid her long brown hair.

They walked down the stairs arm in arm, and reached a speechless Meg at the bottom.

The wedding went smoothly - Great Aunt Martha was already asleep by the time the procession started, and everyone shed a tear during Peter’s, admittedly, very corny speech. That night Peter and Jaquie settled down to finish the sonnet.

~

Meg and Jaquie huddled together around a corner.

Peter told them he was reciting his sonnet in the garden, and they didn’t want to miss the action.

Meg leaned over and whispered in Jaquie’s ear. “Does Costa really have no idea?”

“Nope. Pete does something like this every year, he doesn’t suspect a thing,”

“Wow tha–” Meg started, but Jaquie shushed her.

Peter’s voice carried around the corner, and the newlyweds could hear the crinkle of grass as Peter got down on one knee, and opened the ring box.

“Will doth be mine forever?”


End file.
